Often Overwhelmed, Always Sassy!

I haven’t been writing for a few weeks. I’ve been feeling like I was in a place where I didn’t have anything to offer. Nothing. I’ve felt empty and frustrated. And I’ve been trying to write, but nothing seems to be “right”. Finally I sat down tonight after I sent the kids to bed early, and I’ve written the beginnings of 3 or 4 pieces and still nothing that seemed inspired. As I was struggling with another piece, I came across something I wrote a few weeks ago. Just a small snippet from one of my frustrated free-writing attempts. I had written, “I’m just me.” And maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s all I have to offer. And maybe, just maybe that is enough because I was created as I am. Just me. That’s all I will ever be. Just me. And maybe instead of thinking I’m “just me” I should think that I am ME. All of me! And if I offer ME just like I am, then it’s enough! What else can I offer but the best of what I am, whatever that may be? Right now it’s a frazzled mom of 4, wife, and teacher who feels as if I’m barely making it. And I think people need to see that. They don’t need to be inundated with the “Pinterest” mom who appears (yes, I said it APPEARS) to have it all together. The landscaping, fun shaped sandwiches, home-made free-range organic everything, perfect children, beach vacations, great hair and amazing family pictures all while holding down 2 full time jobs. No one can really do all of that, amazing as it may be. They just can’t.

I refuse to pretend to have it all together. That would take time to pull off and we both know I don’t have the time or energy to put that image out there. I’m impatient, often I choose lazy instead of housework, I holler at my kids and sometimes I even say bad words. I try to be honest (okay, too honest sometimes) about the struggles I’m dealing with. And I try to say it in a humorous way for my own sanity. That’s the only way I get perspective sometimes, by putting my craziness out there on social media. Just yesterday I told my 8 year old to shut his whiney baby mouth and load the silverware like he was told. Sometimes nice doesn’t cut it. I say crazy things to my kids (and my husband, and my students, and sometimes to random strangers) and I can be hard to live with. And I don’t care if people know it.

I love it when I read about other people’s realness. I just think, “YES! I am not alone!” It is my hope that my crazy ramblings do the same for some momma somewhere, that she can read it and instead of feeling down about herself she can say, “YES! I am not alone!” All any of us really have to offer is our “me-ness” and you know? That’s enough!

Love,

Cassandra